Cauliflower Fried Rice & Wok Puns

written by James May 18, 2017

This episode is dedicated to Aran Garnett-Deakin who’s had Crohn’s since 12 and loves a good pun.

Normally things that try and replicate a staple dish, but without the staple ingredients are terrible. I’m looking at you gluten free pizza. If one more person says they can’t tell the difference I’m going to give them a gluten free kick to the groin.

Anyways… this dish is a surprising exception. Swapping out rice for cauliflower is delightfully effective. If you served it to someone without telling them I doubt they’d notice. The strangest thing we do in this dish is drop the soy sauce in favor of coconut aminos. Soy is inflammatory, but these hippy aminos are a decent substitute. You can buy them off amazon here:*Version*=1&*entries*=0&ie=UTF8&th=1

The soy or aminos is only for a bit of color and flavor. Most of the flavor will come from the veggies you add, and pretty much anything you can think of is a fair option. This dish is wildly flexible and almost impossible to screw up.

A great staple for anyone looking to eat healthy, go paleo, scd, soy free, sugar free, gluten free, or manage digestive issues like crohn’s, colitis, ibd, sibo, leaky gut, celiac, ibs, whatever.

Also, if you are looking for puns, then you’ve come to the right place. If you are not looking for puns, then what are you even doing with your life?

Cauliflower Fried Rice

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Serves: 4 Prep Time: Cooking Time:


  • 1/2 head of cauliflower (chopped or pulsed in blender to be rice sized)
  • 2 tbsp coconut oil (any type oil works, peanut oil is solid)
  • Several dashes coconut amino
  • frozen peas (cook per instructions on bag)
  • 1 carrot diced
  • 1/4 onion diced
  • 10 cherry tomatoes halved
  • 10 pineapple chunks
  • 1 tsp minced garlic
  • 1 tsp minced ginger
  • 1 egg
  • 2 chicken thighs cubed and cooked (cube and sautee 5 minutes)
  • salt to taste
  • pepper to taste


1) prep cauliflower buy pulsing a handful of florets in a blender about a dozen times. This should make it rice-like
2) cut up whatever veggies you want into bite sized pieces, and pre-cook any protein you’d like to add as well
3) Heat up oil in pan/wok to Med/High. If using a wok then begin making puns even if you are alone. Peanut oil is solid. I like coconut oil a lot as well for it’s tropical flavor and easy to digest healthy fats
4) Add minced garlic/ginger if desired
5) Immediately add the more tough/fibrous veggies that need to cook a bit longer to soften up (onion, carrots, broccoli, etc)
6) after cooking for ~1 min add remaining pre-cooked veggies or fruits along with the rice sized cauliflower
7) cook for ~1 min then make a space in the center of the wok, add some more oil if needed, and scramble an egg in it
8) add pre-cooked meat if desired, a few dashes of coconut aminos, salt, pepper, and cook another minute or so
9) shovel it into your gullet


Sky is the limit on what veggies and protein you add to this dish. No need to follow my recipe to the letter as it's almost impossible to mess this up.

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